Monday, October 1, 2012

The Baby is Out of the Bag

We revealed the news to all of our friends and family in the past week.   Most of Brent's family already knew and have all been very supportive and excited for us.  Their first grand babies & neice/nephew!  We called or Skyped other friends scattered around the globe from Australia to Finland, again to much fanfare.  I told work with a lot of excitement and then we made it official - posted it to Facebook.  Once it's on the internet, it's true!

I've previously mentioned Brent's geekiness.  Fortunately, I think it's cute :)

I had not told any of my family members until that point because to say that I have a rocky relationship with my family is an understatement and I was incredibly nervous.  They're all very, very religious and they believe that my "choice" of "lifestyle" is a sin.  They also believe that associating with me is to associate with sin and is therefore against their religion to have an active part in my life.  We talk only once a year or so, though there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could just pick up the phone and call or just drop by to say hi for no good reason.  I wasn't really sure how it'd go.  I guess it went as well as it could have.  They weren't negative and damning, but they weren't happy and excited either.  

Of course, they asked who the father was.  Brent and I decided early on that we weren't going to tell anyone who the genetic father is of either of our kids.  The main reason was because, with our goal to have two kids, one with genetics from each of us, I didn't want my parents to treat our kids differently based on DNA.  Of course, that DNA doesn't really matter to us, but I knew it would matter to them and I wouldn't be able to see them treat one differently than the other.  So we didn't give them the option.

That said, I don't think that they will be a part of our kids lives anyway.  It's sad because, other than their extreme religious beliefs, my family are the most amazing people and I feel like our kids are going to short changed for not having them in their lives.  I know how hard it is to not have them in mine.  Some of my most fond memories were with my grandparents and cousins and they won't have those memories from my side of the family.  The other part of me feels bad for my parents and sisters.  They've chosen to cut out not only their only son or brother, but now an innocent little baby.  Most people can't fathom that. I don't meant to insult anyone's religious beliefs here, but I have to say that since the beginning of man, religion has made some otherwise normal people do some crazy ass things.  It's also helped some people do the right thing.  This just isn't one of them.

Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a pity-post.  It's just part of our journey to becoming a family and it felt dishonest to edit this chapter out.  It's something that I've processed and dealt with and was able to start to come to terms way back when we first decided to start our family.  

We're very lucky to have Brent's family.  We also have amazingly close friends who have become "family" and are going to make great Aunts & Uncles.  These babies are going to be born into a family filled with love and are going to be spoiled rotten! I can't wait to drop them off at grandma's house, while Brent and I vacation in the islands for a week.  Ha! 

All in all, telling the world about this baby has really made it all feel so much more real.  We're so excited!!

Charlie & Brent


  1. It seems that Brent's family is fortunate to have your love. And by the way I am loving the Star Wars announcement!

  2. If you ever want to hear my pity story, ask me about my father and our baby. He doesn't know which side of the fence he sits on but currently chooses to openly support Chik-Fil-A and then tell me he loves me. They're a confused bunch, those religious right-wingers! With that said, I read somewhere that "Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what." We, too, have an incredible network of friends, aunts and uncles, that have welcomed Cristina and our choice to be two dads. And besides my father's antics, my brothers have been amazing. It's not worth the stress and to be honest, if they were a big part of your life you'd probably not want them giving you their opinions all the time. So it's probably best. Though I know it still hurts, believe me. I could go on and on, so I'll stop here.

    Congratulations for the millionth time!!

  3. baby's aren't meant to be in bags any old ways. :-)

    Sorry about your family - that really sucks. I'm trying to reconnect with family from my Dad's side that kind of abandoned us when I was younger (my Dad died when I was 3). It's awkward to say in the least. I'm sure I'll always feel like the outsider, but I'm trying to integrate as best I can.

    Fortunately, you have a WONDERFUL new family and it will be +more soon! Congrats again!!!

  4. Hi Brent and Charlie, I looove the Star Wars announcement. I am sorry that one side of your family has ignorant and ill informed ways....however do you really want their influence in your children's lives? Probably not. Having said that I totally understand how much that hurts......If people are not joyous for you at this time then they really have problems of their own that they need to get sorted...I am glad you are not owning their issues....Isnt it wonderful being able to tell everyone....we just announced it at my workplace this week and I have to say everyone has been so kind, fascinated and amazed with our journey. Hang in there and all the best

  5. Hi boys, unfortunately there are many couples out there in the same situation (me being one of them) but like you, I have my partners family support which is amazing. Congrats on the announcement - really cool!!


  6. Congrats to you both. I've been following your surrogacy adventure for a few months, yes, lurking stealthily in the background. It's so nice to read how you're both navigating the hurdles to become parents. The child will be fortunate to have such fathers to call home.
    I was saddened to read about your own family's ignorance. My heart goes out to you. I also lost my family due to their religious bigotry/intolerance. They are Jehovah's Witnesses. We were once very close, now they want nothing to do with me.
    I married my husband John over 5 years ago. His loving Chinese Buddhist family has become my family.
    Now we are pregnant with twins, via SCI (I have no blog); the twins are 20 weeks as of today.
    I've not told my family. I do not know if or when I will. It really is their loss.
    I wish you continued success with your pregnancy. You deserve all the joys & happiness life has to offer.
    Warmest regards & best wishes,

  7. I am deeply sorry about your family's belief system. Time can create changes; by leaving a door open you make it possible in the future for some family members to have a relationship with you that is not possible today. I adore my son, his husband, their daughter, and cannot imagine the pain and loss your family has chosen on behalf of their religion.
    Your baby is a miracle of love and will enrich the world as do you two. May your joy support you ... our world is celebrating your love and baby.

  8. Hey guys I know what you feel I am gay also and going through this some family member dont accept it and I just dont care. This is my life to make me happy just like you are. Keep smiling things wil get better I always think that

  9. Congratulations on making your announcement; it's such a big step! I hope that your family comes around - grandkids have a way of making people forget their hangups. Meanwhile, I completely agree with Doug and Bill. You choose your family!
    Kind Regards,

  10. I want to give you a big old hug right now! How weirdo is that of me?!? But seriously, you deserve so much more love than your family feel they can give you. It is wonderful that you will be able to provide the type of home for your children that you didn't get, full of love, understanding and open arms. xxx


    After 5minutes of laughing with the Geek announcement, I have already wrote in the agenda "meet the Troopers during pick-up" ... jajajaja.

    A relevant part of my family comes from a strong catholic conservative background (I mean every word); but they found a way of keeping their moral differences apart from our relationship. Although our story has a nicer ending, I do understand the feeling.
    Whatever, I had always clear that each person is responsible of their own decisions … and if someone decides to step aside, it would be their choice and I would just feel pity for what they miss ... but not for me or my family.
    I promise you that you would only feel joy when you look to those little eyes for the first time.

  12. I don't have any additional wisdom to add to the comments above, but it sucks how religion can be twisted. I think it was Machiavelli (or someone else from AP English) in "The Art of War" that said if there were no such thing as god he would invent one, as it would be a brilliant way to control the masses.

  13. I always say, if there were no religion everyone would be more likely to get along. Your family situation is unfortunate but it's awesome that you're creating your own family now! Us, like you, will not be revealing the DNA Dad either.

  14. Congrats on the annoucement guys, from reading your blog you guys have a great outlook on life, warm, fun and loving, your new family will be filled with those qualities and much more!

  15. Awesome announcement guys!

    Sorry to hear about your family situation. It saddens me in so many ways. In my situation, my parents don't accept my sexual orientation or I don't think they do - we don't speak of it. It actually doesn't bother me but that is another story.

    But they are the best grandparents around - I'm glad they are able to separate their thoughts on my sexual orientation and their positive thoughts on me as a parent and my son. It would be great, although very unlikely based on your comments, if your family comes around but at the very least they develop a relationship with your child. Like you said, there will still be a lot of love surrounding your child and that is what matters.

  16. So I have been lurking and not commenting on your blog for quite some time. Of course, I always skype you and tell you about it after as well as pester you when you havnt updated... Today, I felt like I should finally commit to commenting.

    I am so happy for you both, you're going to be such great dads. I am looking forward to seeing your kids development, watching the impact you two have on your child. This is going to be the most adventurous journey of your life (and mine too, since I vicariously live through you). I can't wait to visit you and meet the newest addition to your family!

    Charlie - as a person you are nothing short of inspirational. Many years ago when I understood your families stance, I felt sad for you. Over the years of knowing you, hanging out with you and even working with you; watching you become the man you are today, I feel sad for them.