Becoming a Family

We always knew that we wanted the happiness that comes from becoming a family, but to actually experience it now feels so beyond words.  So, here are pictures.

Photo taken by your blog friends Joann and Brian (p.s. thank you so much)

First picture with Asha and Dad

First picture with Daddy and Asha

Sleepy little girl, passing out during tummy time.

Super happy to be a part of the family now (or just a bit of gas)

Is there anything sweeter than hearing a baby breathe while it is sleeping?

In Delhi

We have arrived tonight in Delhi and are set to pick up Asha tomorrow morning.

I feel like I could write a novel with all of the emotions I have been feeling this past week, but each time I sit down to try to write down this moment in time, it all comes out as gibberish. It is such a new emotion that i don't know how to process it or describe it properly. All I can really say is that I have never more felt like I am where I am supposed to be than right now, with my husband having a massive jetlag headache, me drinking a bourbon in a hotel room at 2 am to relax my nerves and get some sleep, and our little girl just 14 km away, waiting for us to finally take her home.

8 more hours and we see her for the first time.

Ahh!

It's a Girl!!

Asha Victoria Dunn was born at 7lbs and is happy and healthy. We are over the moon!! Can't wait to meet her on Monday...Monday can't get here fast enough!

Ahhhh!!!!!

We will post pictures as soon as we can get decent Internet.

Charlie & Brent

37 Weeks?!?

I am not sure how that happened!  37 weeks?!?

A lot has gone on in the past month....

We had an awesome visit from three friends and future Aunts!  It was nice to celebrate the big 4-0 with a dear friend by floating with a view of downtown Seattle in our own private hot tub boat (highly recommended for anyone who comes to Seattle).  We decided that since we weren't tired enough of the cold grey Seattle winter, we'd head north to snow and had hot buttered rum, lots of good food, snowball fights, hiking, and good company.

The morning that we were returning home (the day that we hit the 33 week mark), we got an email from SCI saying that our surrogate was having contractions (insert WTF reaction here).   As much as we are ready to be parents, we would much rather that the surrogate be on hospital bed rest & on medication, than our baby to come early and put on oxygen and whatever else comes with arriving almost two months early.  Fortunately, after a few days in the hospital, our surrogate was released and all is well.

We get our next ultrasound on Thursday, when we will officially be full term!  Wow - crazy to even type that!!

We are totally ready.  Mentally, and otherwise.  Flights are booked, the baby bag is packed (with more luggage than the two of us) & our offices will figure themselves out.  Since everything seems to be going so smoothly, we decided to tempt fate and have a 5 night stay in Thailand before baby pick-up.  We'll be much closer to the baby, should he/she decide to show up unexpectedly, or, worst case scenario, we have a babymoon.  Brent did the math and determined that once you combine flights/potential change fees/hotels/etc, that the price difference to add 5 days on the beach in Phuket would only be about 300$ more per person.  I would question his math, but we're both too excited to have one last vacation hurrah pre-baby - just the two of us, waves, sun, sand, cheap massages and frozen drinks.

This baby will be under heavy surveillance. The baby monitor is viewable from anywhere with password, so Brent can see the baby from work.  We also have a breathing monitor, which has been personally tested, to make sure that he/she doesn't stop breathing with SIDS, and we rounded it off with an audio monitor.  We have also checked into a GPS for his or her car when he or she is 16 and have looked into micro-chipping.  Technology isn't there yet.

Finally, the baby room is together.  We went neutral, mostly because baby blue and soft pink aren't our thing, but also because Brent said that we could only have a baby if the nursery were Star Wars themed.  That said, I have already priced out infant tutus on ebay should we have a little lady.  I love the end result and can't wait to have him or her back at home sweet home.

Wampa Rug for tummy time

Darth means "Father" in Dutch.  Who knew?!  Star Wars quilt courtesy of the Barr family.

Some Star Wars creatures with a weird beast from Australia from Aunt Marisa in Adelaide

A nursery is not complete without Eeyore Yoda

Or Whicket Yoda

Ready for star gazing

It's a trap!

Counting down to his/her birthday

We found this chair for 10$ beat up and broken down, but it was perfect with some TLC

Star Pooh & friends

Young Explorers

Hope all is well with everyone else!

Next time we blog, we will be in India!!  

I am not sure how that happened!  37 weeks?!?

Tick Tock

Though I check everyone else's blog at least twice a day, it's been a long time since our last blog post.  Time for some internet blabbing!

First off, we're officially legally married!  It was a great evening shared with some old friends and new friends.  I got to smash cake in Brent's face, which is always enjoyable (for me, at least).   

I really need to work on both posture and crying at weddings

After the marriage was recorded with the courts, I had an exciting time changing my last name to Brent's at about 175 different places.  The administrivia involved with this is a pretty good reason to have not blogged since forever.  I had to change my name on my passport, which also meant having to get a new Indian visa.  Considering so many babies that seem to be coming 6-10 weeks early and the amount of time it takes to process a new passport & visa, I was a bit worried that the baby would surprise us early and I'd be stuck here.  Fortunately my visa arrived today! (Dear unborn baby:  that's not a cue for you to do anything other than stay put for another 6 weeks minimum).

The holidays are officially over.  We spent Christmas with Brent's dad.  He brought lots of very cool baby things from his latest assignment in Peru.  This spoiled baby has things from 6 continents!  Our last New Years Eve sans kids was spent on the couch watching bad TV because I was sick (sadly, not from too much celebrating).  

In other news, the nursery is 95% put together now!  That means that my office is no longer just an office with a crib in it and I've had to relocate my office into our living room.  This has sent us on a mission of house hunting (we didn't have enough going on).  

The next blog post will hopefully be the latest scan, due next week, along with photos of the 100% finished nursery (minus baby).  Crazy that this is likely our last scan before we arrive in India!

We're now checking out flights, airfare, working with the embassy, etc.  SCI is recommending that we arrive 2 1/2 weeks before the due date.  How long before the due date did you arrive in India?  

Thanks guys,
Charlie & Brent

Snowballing

It's been nearly 2 months since the last blog update, so I figured it's overdue.  A lot has been going on!

Most importantly, things are going very smoothly with the baby now (finally!!).  The last scan came back with the awesome news that the brain cyst is no longer seen during the ultrasound. The triple marker results also came back favorably.  We also received plenty of pictures of the baby's brain and spine.  No cute profile pictures or fun 3D photos.  Who wants to snuggle a spine?  Seriously though, we're happy to know that SCI takes this stuff seriously and focuses on the important stuff.

Brent finally landed the job that he's been daydreaming about for the past year, even long before we actually even made the move to Seattle.  I'm glad he stuck it out and got what he wanted: a fancy schmancy office on the 38th floor of a building downtown complete with a view of the Space Needle in a position that pays him well doing work he can likely do while sleeping.  Our last house had acres of cows in the backyard, so this is a slightly different view.

Speaking of Seattle, since the last blog post, Washington State became one of the first US states to approve marriage equality by popular vote.  Being in a state that recognizes us as being in a legitimate relationship was important in laying the groundwork for becoming a family.  It's the main reason that we made the move of over 3,000 miles/5,000 km across the country.  It will help our children know that they're part of a normal family like just any other and it will help Brent and I to know that they're part of a protected family unit just like any other.  That election night, we watched people vote in our first black president for another four years.  Closer to home, it was the night we watched people vote in the first president to support marriage equality, announcing that support before he was facing re-election, not after.  25 years ago, gays and lesbians were treated badly here, in a country that has pushed for human rights in other countries.  Because today we're experiencing the actual shift in US citizen's opinions of us today, we have a greater appreciation for these new rights than even the gays and lesbians what will be coming out 25 more years from now, who don't face any discrimination.  I am so happy to be able to experience this change first hand.

Tomorrow is the first day that we can apply for a marriage license, with Sunday being the first day you can make it official, so we're heading to get the license tomorrow afternoon and are all booked for a ceremony on Sunday!  To celebrate the honeymoon, Brent will be going to work the following day and we will likely order pizza.  This will be my 2nd marriage this year (I feel like a Kardashian), but this one is actually legal!

In other news, we're smack down in the middle of the holidays.  We spent Thanksgiving together as just the two of us for the first time ever. We talked with friends and family over Skype & Facetime, but it was the first time we shared the Thanksgiving meal alone.  The idea was to just get a small turkey breast, but going to the store the night before Thanksgiving caused us to have to get their smallest 17 pound bird.  Add to that glazed carrots, bacon wrapped green beans, garlic mashed potatoes & gravy, fried oyster stuffing, spiced cranberry, loads of wine, and a lime cheesecake.  It was a feast.  Next year, we will be enjoying it with mashed peas  & mashed potatoes all over the place, all over us, & all over the baby, so we decided to go all out even if it were just the two of us.  Thankful!

Last weekend, we also took our last mini-vacation as just the two of us.  Here are some pictures from our Winter Wonderland.  Hope all is well for everyone else!!  Happy Holidays!

C&B

  

That is a snowball being hurled at me.

No Significance

Baby's first high five

We received the detailed ultrasound early this morning.  "No significance of isolated bilateral CP cyst" Woohoo!!  Everything else came back normal so the cyst is nothing to worry about.

I was surprised how detailed the scan was.  They measured just about everything you can imagine, even the baby's ears.  Since I experienced years of playground ridicule and was nick-named Dumbo in school, I was happy to read that the baby has average sized ears.  Later in life, I embraced my big ears and learned how to wiggle them to impress first-dates.  Brent is such a lucky guy.

The scan came in the early hours of the morning, so I was reading the details with one eye opened and half asleep.  Reading through the scan, I saw something that totally took me by surprise.  "Sex: Female".  I couldn't believe it!   Indian law says that you can't reveal the sex of a baby before it is born, but there it was - we're having a girl!  I laid there in bed for two hours, unable to sleep, thinking of our little girl and the life we're going to have with her.  Of course, we would love the baby just as much if it were a boy, but this news had me so excited!  After a couple of hours of day dreaming, I looked through the scan again and quickly realized that "Sex: Female" was noted about our surrogate - not the baby!  Oops.  :)

Not knowing the gender is kind of hard.  We're both big planners and not knowing if it's a boy or girl is kind of a big variable when it comes to baby clothes and nursery themes. There are only so many yellow & green onesies.   That being said, this baby already has 84 outfits for its first year.  I counted last weekend.  84.  That means it will wear each outfit about three times.  This baby is going to be so spoiled.

Since we've tempted fate and ignored all of the superstitions about buying baby things before the 2nd trimester and have been going all out since even before we signed the surrogacy contract, it makes total sense to put the nursery together 5 months before the baby will ever see it.  We decided on a nursery theme and have already started putting things together. We went with a bold contrast of monochrome & bright red.  A bit unconventional on nursery color, but it's coming together as a fun room, yet relaxing room.

The next scan is in a month, so hopefully it will be a very boring month for us!

18 Week Scan

We received our 18 week scan this morning.

The baby is growing right on track and we got the first 3D image of its little face.  Brent wondered if they accidentally sent us a picture of a baby monkey (he was kidding, I think).  The early 3D scans can be a little creepy.  Even still, I was so excited when I saw it! The 3D scan feels like a pretty big milestone and we're so happy that we've made it this far.  There have been so many bumps in the road, but here we are at 18 weeks.  This image makes it feel so much more real.  S/he looks so comfortable in there.

The only scary news was that the ultrasound revealed that a choroid plexus cyst has developed in its brain.  Parental instinct was to freak the hell out, but, for once, Dr Google actually brought a bit of comfort.  It turns out that, while it is a soft marker for chromosome abnormalities, specifically trisomy 18, studies indicate that there is only a 1/100 chance of it being any issue if there are no other markers (which there aren't).  Some studies even indicate that there is NO correlation between the appearance of this brain cyst and trisomy 18 or any other mental or physical development.  In fact, most of the parents of children that experienced this have indicated that their children are highly athletic and mentally gifted.  Probably coincidence, but we're really hoping this baby turns out to be a concert pianist & metaled olympian.  We want to retire young and the lottery hasn't worked so far.  That being said, and SCI being cautious, Dr. Shivani has decided to do a detailed USG scan of our awesome surrogate and also consult the Fetal Medicine Specialist.  Hopefully, we'll hear something soon.

This baby sure does like to make its parents worry.  I guess it's good preparation for when he or she learns to hang upside down on the park monkey bars or eventually starts dating.  There will always be something to worry about.

SCI scans weekly, then biweekly, then monthly until the delivery.  I wonder how many of these issues exist in other pregnancies, but simply go unnoticed since most pregnancies only have 3-4 ultrasounds within the 8 or so months (we're not even half way through, but have had more than twice as many).  I think the fact that a lot of these issues that end up resolving themselves is the only negative of having so many ultrasounds - unnecessary worry.  The flip-side is that because you're not  able to look down at your stomach or your spouse's and see a growing belly, feel the baby kick, etc. having the frequent scans helps the pregnancy feel real.

I was so happy to see this little one's face this morning.  I am already in love.  Brent, however, runs out of the room screaming when he sees it sitting on my desk.  

The Baby is Out of the Bag

We revealed the news to all of our friends and family in the past week.   Most of Brent's family already knew and have all been very supportive and excited for us.  Their first grand babies & neice/nephew!  We called or Skyped other friends scattered around the globe from Australia to Finland, again to much fanfare.  I told work with a lot of excitement and then we made it official - posted it to Facebook.  Once it's on the internet, it's true!

I've previously mentioned Brent's geekiness.  Fortunately, I think it's cute :)

I had not told any of my family members until that point because to say that I have a rocky relationship with my family is an understatement and I was incredibly nervous.  They're all very, very religious and they believe that my "choice" of "lifestyle" is a sin.  They also believe that associating with me is to associate with sin and is therefore against their religion to have an active part in my life.  We talk only once a year or so, though there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could just pick up the phone and call or just drop by to say hi for no good reason.  I wasn't really sure how it'd go.  I guess it went as well as it could have.  They weren't negative and damning, but they weren't happy and excited either.  

Of course, they asked who the father was.  Brent and I decided early on that we weren't going to tell anyone who the genetic father is of either of our kids.  The main reason was because, with our goal to have two kids, one with genetics from each of us, I didn't want my parents to treat our kids differently based on DNA.  Of course, that DNA doesn't really matter to us, but I knew it would matter to them and I wouldn't be able to see them treat one differently than the other.  So we didn't give them the option.

That said, I don't think that they will be a part of our kids lives anyway.  It's sad because, other than their extreme religious beliefs, my family are the most amazing people and I feel like our kids are going to short changed for not having them in their lives.  I know how hard it is to not have them in mine.  Some of my most fond memories were with my grandparents and cousins and they won't have those memories from my side of the family.  The other part of me feels bad for my parents and sisters.  They've chosen to cut out not only their only son or brother, but now an innocent little baby.  Most people can't fathom that. I don't meant to insult anyone's religious beliefs here, but I have to say that since the beginning of man, religion has made some otherwise normal people do some crazy ass things.  It's also helped some people do the right thing.  This just isn't one of them.

Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a pity-post.  It's just part of our journey to becoming a family and it felt dishonest to edit this chapter out.  It's something that I've processed and dealt with and was able to start to come to terms way back when we first decided to start our family.  

We're very lucky to have Brent's family.  We also have amazingly close friends who have become "family" and are going to make great Aunts & Uncles.  These babies are going to be born into a family filled with love and are going to be spoiled rotten! I can't wait to drop them off at grandma's house, while Brent and I vacation in the islands for a week.  Ha! 

All in all, telling the world about this baby has really made it all feel so much more real.  We're so excited!!

Charlie & Brent

Discharged!

While we were visiting the future Uncle Brandon and Aunt Emily last weekend in Tucson, AZ, we got the email we've been hoping to receive for the past three weeks - our awesome surrogate has been discharged!   There is no more bleeding or spotting and the baby has been developing on track.

We are very thankful for the team at SCI for providing daily updates on her care and for the reassurance when we needed it.  To be blunt, we are also very thankful for the exchange rate...three weeks of constant care in the hospital and our grand total was only 3k.  That is the average cost of medical expenses for a hospital stay PER NIGHT in the US.  The difference in medical costs is outstanding, while at the same time, the difference between the medical attention and care that our surrogate receives is likewise outstanding.  The daily ultrasounds and daily heartbeat scans of our little one are unheard of here.  The fact that she is in top of the line facilities and that the staff is focused on her every comfort is comforting to us as well.  We owe the future version of our family to this wonderful woman.  

For the first time in a long time, thoughts have been on things other than waiting for the next daily update, keeping fingers and toes and eyes crossed, hoping we don't get that phone call.  Things are starting to feel more and more real.  On Friday, I had to tell my boss that I had a conflict with a project I am currently leading because of a "personal issue".  The go-live weekend for this work project is the same weekend as our projected due date.  The "Dunn-McKeithen Project" go-live that occurs in 6 months takes priority over the client go-live.  Telling my boss that I was going to have to stop leading the project, no matter what, was the first time that I felt like I was in control of something during this surrogacy process.  It was the first time that I was able to do something parental for our future children.

It's weird how it doesn't feel very real in the beginning of this surrogacy journey.  Then you see the egg donor profiles and it feels a little more real, then you go to India and it feels pretty exciting.  Then you get a negative and restart the process.  Or you get a positive and you're more excited than you were when you first landed that night in India, with all of those initial hopes, more excited than you've ever been to start a family.  The rest is a roller-coaster, but as weeks pass and you receive each scan, whether good or bad, you're further along on your personal journey and you're closer to being a parent.

In the meantime, I am reading the silly things on babycenter.com and printing and framing pictures of each baby scan (don't judge) from SCI, and also taping a piece of paper to the picture frame that correlates to the baby's size (OK, you can judge for that one).  It's still feeling more and more real each day.

Eventually we're going to start putting together a nursery and we're going to start picturing a baby crawling around in these four walls.  Then we'll fly across the world to greet the little guy or girl that is going to be our first child.  Becoming a family.  So amazing.

C&B